Man, I've been thinking
A lot about you lately,
All the mornings,
We'd go out to run
And you'd tell me
I was there just to
Run away from everyone.
About your face all pale
Lowered stately in your grave
And all the friends
I never knew
Throwing flowers as they
Put you away.
Well, why can't I?
When I dream, I see
You dead and laughing
At all the absurdity
Of a war never to be won
Or in the park,
Just playing with your son.
I wear your stripes
Every day I still breathe
Which feels like less lately
Just between you and me.
Well, why can't I?
Just learn to live normally,
You seemed to have it down -
A soldiers son, your mother's
love, a kind woman's only one.
We both know, and I think
We'd agree, it shouldn't have
Been you, it was supposed to be me.
Now I'm just here thinking
About all the times we ate
Shitty food or stayed up too late
Playing poker or video games.
I take my medicine,
The ones that makes me sick
I'm always choking down
Amphetamines and opiates.
Just to feel free
Of all of these things,
The burdens, the bombs
Her walking away from me;
All the dusty wounds,
The bloody memories
That just scar and consume
My precious waking moments
With raw and wounded memories.
Well, why can't I?
Just take enough to settle my mind?
Lift you up and take your place?
Give the world back a better man,
While I find nice place to dark
To dream, to remember, to see
Everything I cared about consuming
What was left of me.
When I'm tired and my bed is no rest
I toss and turn thinking about
Crawling down and pushing you out
Give you back to life and
Claiming your grave.
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