I dreamt of her last night.
Her, being you.
You being, her.
We walked along sandy beaches
And you were fat,
Freckles on your toffee skin
Like cigarette butts in the sand.
Your friend, some yappity
Valley girl- the kind who works
At Del Taco and flirts with the
Manager because it's good for
Her Career - walked beside us
Parroting the names of your
Latest men, those that replaced me,
Always circling in close proximity.
I thought you looked thick with
Demands you'd placed on yourself,
Ideas of who and what and where
Making your skin thick and sallow.
You were not lustrous beneath the
Western sky, not nearly as lovely
As you'd looked in the airport -
The day we parted, said goodbye.
The day I went off to war
And you walked out of my life.
I still loved you, even without beauty,
As we spoke in crooked words.
I still wanted you, even though desire
No longer subtly lingered in slight curves.
To wrap you in my heavy arms,
Head pressed into the clammy flesh
Of your neck, feeling for heartbeats
Reaching between our bodies as
They did those rosy winter nights.
We said awkward things, I suppose
Wondering what could have been,
Always muting the muttering of your friend.
I said in words which have always been the
Truth, "It doesn't matter how or why,
Just know that I've always loved you".
My words though, are always quite contrite
And you seem to take my sorrow
As obstinance, always looking for a fight.
It's a normal thing, I suppose, to not
Understand what it is to be loved -
When the only way you see yourself
Is through the drunken eyes of a lush.
I wonder why I moved so far west,
From my city, from my supposed home -
It's a dream so there are no reasons,
Other than to be with you and roam
These beaches, speak these words
That my mind still holds.
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