I Said, I Thought (Or something in-between

I was never free,
I said, I thought,
Or something in-between. 
As I watched his dignity
Slither down his brow
And his cheek, his knees,
To lie puddled about his feet.
Outside Sala Thai, smoking,
I saw him stroke her hair;
She was delicate, pretty,
Like a stone nymph carved
Into some pagan cliff -
Gorgeous and "just kind of there".

Here we have a man in love,
Pulled into his nicest pants,
Sears dress shirt clinging
With June sweat to his back.
His eyes pleading, to her,
Or to pride; screaming
And on the verge of tears,
Here we have a man in love -
Facing his greatest fear.

Bonfires, I thought,
Between puffs and breaths;
We light them, I think,
Without thought to fuel
And their eventual death.
So caught up in the flames,
The primordial dance,
We build not homes, but
Tinder ringed by rocks.

Here we have a man undone.
Pitiful in his tears, naked for me
To see. If I was a better man
I'd turn my head, but I'm not -
And neither is she, like the oceans
breach, both simple and shallow
I can see the disgust in her pity -
But also like the oceans,
Unfathomable and deep;
There's something in her hips,
Their tilt and cut I can see,
But like an illiterate with words -
I just can't read.
I said, or I thought,
Or something in-between,
I was never free.